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So this is the beginning. The beginning of what, you might ask? --well, I am not so sure yet. I just know that for the first time in a long while I finally have a complete idea. Its a powerful thing, really. Well, it can be when you realize what you have on your hands; this intangible thing; this idea, because you realize it is so much more than a mere whim of a thought.

I have been writing off and on for years. Granted, I am no grandma, so when I say "years" I would say since I was about 16 (maybe even 15). And now I am 24. I have written a TONS of stories. I must embarrassingly admit that at that tender age of 15 my writing (and online reading) mainly consisted of fan fictions --we all have to start somewhere. I would say that at 18 I really started to delve into creative writing. Creating fictional realities (oxymoron?), and elaborate characters with intriguing conflicts. They weren't the best, but they were definitely a start. I see that now as I look back on them that, that was me growing as a writer.

I started lots, and lots of stories. "Started" being the operative word here. I had all these amazingly brilliant story ideas (well, I thought they were brilliant, of course) but I never finished a gosh darn one. I would make it half way with tons of readers/fans and then stop. Did I mention, being a kid of the generation of information, that the internet allowed me to explode my creative juices to the public of the interweb? I even managed my own creative writing message board one Southern California summer; spending days at the beach, and then writing until the wee hours of the morn. Creating this internet author identity. Regardless, I only allowed my self half baked ideas. Meaning, I never followed through. Lets not get into how that seems to be my life's problem. Life always caught up with me and I usually would lose interest or just get too busy, wasting all of my brains hard earned energy dreaming up these ideas. But in retrospect it was all a learning curve. I grew as a writer with every half "idea".

Writing has been a continuous passion of mine, and I finally started to realize this as I turned 20. But I never considered it a way to live. I just knew that I could be a better writer and it being my hobby I thought I could be great at it. So I started writing again. Suddenly my half-baked ideas became incredible tales of people, relationships and complicated emotions. Writing excited me once again ---but I still never finished a damn story.

Lets fast forward to the present: I am now 24. I have been writing a variety of different stories this past year, now ready for a complete one. And all of a sudden I couldn't even think of a good story to follow through with! Oh, the irony.

Realizing my passionate hobby, I wanted nothing more then to check off one crucial thing on my bucket list: I want to publish a book! I decided to pick up an old idea a month ago about a girl heroin who is a secret government agent trying to stop the spread a biological disease, yet she finds a conflicting love interest involved within her case.

I have had another problem in this "bucket list realization" --I never shared my work with anyone close to me. To the millions of folks on the word wide web -YES, but to my friends and family? -HELL NO. I was too worried that they would think my silly stories were going to be stupid, and juvenile. I was worried they would think it was a waste of my time (because sometimes I thought so too, I would day dream about things to write and would always come to the conclusion that I should be more productive doing something else). Until one day my best friend asked me about my writing, flat out! He knew I would hide it away but always saw me writing. I told him profusely that I was embarrassed, but he persisted. I ended up telling him the summary of my story (at the time not yet a complete idea, of course) and as the words began to spill out of my mouth I started becoming passionate about the mere idea. And the more I talked about it aloud the more complete of an idea it became. Without him realizing it, it became a creative writing confessional, and long story short I ended up figuring out an ending through my ramblings --VOILA!  And after I finished, I thought he was going to give me that "Are you kidding? That's dumb" look...but he didn't. He thought it was fantastic.

And he is really most of the reason I decided to go on. I began writing more consistent chapters, piecing it all together. I began posting on this awesome writing site called wattpad. And I suddenly got this exciting feeling...I've got it...BY JOE, IVE GOT IT! --that complete, whole story!

But I am happy to say its happened folks! I have an idea, and I know it's great, and I know it can be a book. I am compiling my manuscript as a I write. Editing as I go. Hoping that as I compile soon I will be able to put a "The End" some day. I am currently (word document) 92 pages (double spaced), and over 20,000 words into my novel (eek, a novel?like a real one!).

I think I have gotten something really amazing on my hands. And its an incredible feeling to have in reference to ones writing. I want to finish this! And I will. And when I am done I will send it off to publishers! I know I can do this.

I am ready for the predictable rejections but excited for the editing process. I am just ecstatic at being able to do the ONE thing I want to do before I die. I want to be a published author.

I always worried about not being able to make it. I always remember this silly part of this movie called "Becoming Jane" (have you seen it?). Its about Jane Austen's life, played by Anne Hathaway, and in this scene she has just denied a wedding proposal and is talking to her very upset mother (very Pride & Prejudice, right?), and Jane says something like "Maybe I can live by my pen?" and her mom gets super pissed and says something like "Live by your pen!? By you pen!? Do you want to till your own damn potatoes!?" ---GETS ME EVERY TIME...because, no, I do not want to till my own proverbial potatoes. But it isn't about the money, is it? No, it is about the passion. Passion for words, and there wonderfully magical powers to create elaborate worlds, realistic fiction or fantasy. Whatever you like!? That is the beauty of it all.

So this is the beginning of my journey. I will post about publishers, my writing tribulations, and a bunch of mumbo jumbo that goes through my head. If you are a writer, I hope this teaches you that you are not alone --I am (w)right (see what I did there?) beside you and we will make it together. Write away darling, I know you can do it!

P.S. if you would like to check out my story please got to my wattpad page (link on the side) and read my story "Emotionally Compromised". I hope you agree that it is a solid idea.

Your comments, feedback and overall feedback are aways welcome here. Just don't be mean.

Labels: becoming jane, beginner, book, emotionally compromised, epiphany, fiction, happy, how to, idea, internet, jane austen, manuscript, need, new, novel, publish, publishing, want, wattpad, writing